Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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