I wish I could teleport
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
