I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
