In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
