According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do herpes really smell.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
