Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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