I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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