Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
