Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
