i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
