I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
