I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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