I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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