fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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