My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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