I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
