He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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