yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
