I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
