i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
