I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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