You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
