well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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