were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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