Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
