She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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