The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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