Whod you bang
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
