after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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