I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I will die if light touches me.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
