I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
