We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
