Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
