Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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