I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
