I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
