I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
