I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
