Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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