Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
