I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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