He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
