you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
