peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
