Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
