did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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