I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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