It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
