Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
