There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
