your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
