Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
