i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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