I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize