So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
