My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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