based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
