He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize