Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm always down for nudity.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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