Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
