I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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