Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
