a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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