You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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