Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
