How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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