VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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