I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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