I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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