we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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