And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
